And I'm Not Going to Give Up
by SergeantPixie
Summary: Bonnie is not a martyr carrying her cross; she's a girl on a mission. Part of my Fuck Sleeping Curses series.


**AN: So I guess it's Bonnie's turn this time? Fuck sleeping curses? Title is taken from Take What's Mine by The Parlor Mob. Enjoy and please review:)**

 **And I'm Not Going to Give Up**

Elena tells Bonnie not to save her, not this time, and Bonnie doesn't listen. It's a tired move—same old song and dance—Elena doesn't want to be saved, nobody listens. Except this time they do, Bonnie is the only one who can't let her go. This time Bonnie is on her own.

"Bonnie Bennett, you have spent your entire life making sacrifices for me," Elena tells her, hands soft on her shoulders, eye full of tears and overflowing with love. "Now it's my turn to do it for you."

Bonnie wants to scream no, wants to demand one last miracle—wants to force the world to bend to her will one more time. She brought Jeremy back from the dead, she tore down the wall between their world and the Other Side, she brought Klaus fucking Mikaelson to his knees, she can do this. She can bend the rules, one last time. Fuck the rules. Bonnie Bennett is more than any rules or laws can contain.

She wants to protest, but instead she swallows, nods her head, and lies her little heart out. Inside her chest, she holds onto her resolve fiercely, she will not lose her, not again. They're Bonnie and Elena, they always find their way back to each other, and how dare Kai think that he can ruin the sanctity of their relationship with his bullshit curse.

Bonnie names herself Curse Breaker just like she named herself Guardian of the Other Side, Bennett witch, Prodigal witch, Protector of Mystic Falls—Savior of Elena Gilbert. It doesn't matter if nobody else believes she can do it—Bonnie's self-belief is enough to raise the dead and bring monsters to their knees. She's the only hero she's ever needed.

The rest of them tuck Elena away in her coffin, they tuck her away in their hearts, and go on about their lives—but Bonnie rebels.

She's grown up enough that she knows there are limits—even for her—and she promises herself—promises Elena—that she will not give her life for this. Still, she is bound and determined to find a way to free Elena from her sleep. She won't die for her—not this time, but she won't give her up either.

"Bonnie, you have to let it go," Caroline begs.

"It's not healthy, kid," Alaric explains.

"She wouldn't want you to do this to yourself, Bon," Damon reminds.

Even Jeremy thinks she should let it go—let _her_ go, but Bonnie ignores them all.

"I'm fine," she swears, knowing that it's a lie. She won't be fine until Elena is with her again.

She thinks maybe they've forgotten that she's the only one who is expected to live without Elena for the rest of her life. Elena's life begins again when Bonnie's ends. She could die tomorrow, and everyone else would get to spend the rest of their lives with Elena, while Bonnie is never supposed to breathe the same air as her again.

They're never supposed to laugh together again, no more sleepovers, falling asleep against the curve of her neck, no more shopping trips or movie marathons, no more taking care of each other, no more _BonnieandElena_. Bonnie can't live with that.

No one seems to realize that Bonnie's entire life revolves around Elena. Elena is the person she loves most in the world. Everything she has done, every horrible, awful, beautiful, _impossible_ thing she has done was for Elena.

She went after Klaus, for Elena. She brought Jeremy back from the dead for Elena. She came back from the Other Side to be with Elena.

Elena is the single point in which her universe revolves around. It might not be healthy, but it's true. Elena is the sun and Bonnie is stumbling through the dark without her.

She spends weeks, months, _years_ traveling the world, searching for a way to bring Elena back without killing herself. She sees the world for the very first time on her own—and as she goes she makes note of all the places she's going to take Elena when she's awake again. The world will be theirs to explore together.

In her travels she meets many people, but none of them compare to the girl who has been her everything since childhood. Sometimes she sees familiar faces, Caroline shows up the most often, desperate for her to come home before she gets herself killed. Damon is frustrated and tired, Alaric is sympathetic and fatherly. Tyler is understanding but firm in his opposition. Stefan is the most logical, but even his calm reasoning cannot distract her from her task. Jeremy is the only one who seems to understand what Elena means to her, but he still opposes her.

"She wouldn't want you wasting your life like this," he says gently, and she shakes her head, disbelieving.

She doesn't know how none of them can see it—they look at her like she's a martyr, but the truth is, this is the most selfish she has ever been. Bonnie can't live without Elena, and she doesn't understand how they can't see that.

"I'm doing what I have to do," she tells him, she tells all of them.

The truth is, Bonnie is selfish, and she's okay with that. She's not a martyr carrying her cross; she's a girl on a mission.

It takes five years, but finally she finds a way to awaken Elena that guarantees no consequences for herself. Elena will wake up and Bonnie _will not die._

It takes a week and a half to get home—the hike down from the remote village takes up most of that time, but she still lingers when she returns to Mystic Falls. She takes a shower, carefully cleans every inch of her body, enjoying the luxury of a hot shower. She can take her time, now that she knows it's not going to run out.

When she is clean and dressed in equally clean clothes, she finally returns to Elena after five long years of searching for what would bring them together again.

Elena looks the same; still and beautiful in her coffin, dressed in that pretty blue dress that Caroline had lovingly picked out for her. Bonnie takes a moment to look at her, to bask in the anticipation of waking her up. She hadn't told anyone that she had found what she needed. She hadn't bothered telling them that she had returned.

This moment is for her and her alone.

She touches Elena's check, petal soft, and smiles at her.

"I'll see you soon, Elena," she promises. She turns away and unpacks her bag, setting up the ritual carefully so that she makes no mistakes. She allows herself one last glance at the sleeping girl before she closes her eyes and focuses completely on the spell that will wake her.

She falls into the spell—sliding through lifetimes and realms, words slipping from her lips that are not her own. It feels like centuries pass—seated on that cold floor—but when she opens her eyes, the sun is still shining and Elena's eyes are rapidly moving. Bonnie springs to her feet, moving quickly to stand by her side.

When Elena's eyes flutter open, Bonnie is the first thing she sees. Bonnie smiles through her tears and Elena gives her a vaguely reproachful look—still half stuck in a dream.

"I told you not to make anymore sacrifices for me," Elena murmurs with gentle reprove, her voice husky with sleep, but Bonnie just shakes her head fiercely.

"I sacrificed nothing," she insists. Elena moves to sit, and Bonnie helps her, delighting in the feel of her skin against hers. When they are face to face, Elena opens her mouth to speak again, but Bonnie cuts her off abruptly.

Without warning—but with deliberation—Bonnie carefully takes Elena's face in her hands and kisses her hard. There is a split second of stillness, but just as suddenly Elena comes alive against her mouth and winds her arms around Bonnie's neck to pull her closer.

It's a messy kiss, they're both crying and Elena is still somewhere between sleeping and waking, and Bonnie is exhausted from too many sleepless nights. It's _perfect_. It's magical—Bonnie can taste it in her mouth, sour enough to make her jaw ache and sweet enough to make her weak in the knees.

Bonnie Bennett kisses Elena Gilbert and all she can think is— _finally._

 **AN: This is my first romantic Bonnie/Elena, and I'm pretty happy with it, tbh:) hope ya'll enjoyed it.**

 **xoxo**

 **-Pixie**


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